Positive sum support: done well support is a positive sum outcome, not making someone dependent on you
/By Duncan Anderson. To see all blogs click here.
Reading time: 8 mins
Summary: Leaders make more leaders, not more followers. Managers make self managing people, they don’t manage people well.
Work on yourself to be self sufficient 80-90% of the time.
Help others to level up to the point of being self sufficient 80-90% of the time.
If you are properly in a time you need support, then ask for it = Positive Sum
If someone properly needs support, then provide it = Positive Sum
But if someone doesn’t need support then don’t provide it. Providing support here = Negative Sum
Love Love (when to provide support) Vs Tough Love (when to push someone to support themselves)
Asking for help when you don’t need it = Robbing yourself of the opportunity to level up self sufficiency
Providing help when it’s not needed = Creating dependency of the other on you
Asking for help when help is needed = Not a sign of weakness, but a sign of self awareness
Not providing help when help is needed = Screwing the other person and ultimately yourself as the ecosystem is weaker
Jingle: We don’t want dependents, we don’t want independents, we want a mutually positive sum ecosystem.
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Details
Self Management = Transformation Point = Self Authoring
Richard Barrett Model
Others build you to the transformation point. You can build yourself after the transformation point. Others are likely needed to get you to be able to self manage. But after that point not only can you self manage, you likely can level up others to get to the self management point.
Robert Kegan Model
Joining Barrett and Kegan:
If these numbers are to be believed, ~36% of the population in a developed country get to the transformation point.
Comment:
One articulation of what a manager does is to get people up the curve to the transformation point, IE the point they can self manage. I don’t think one should try to be the ‘best helper of others’, but the best at ‘helping others help themselves’.
Good at helping others = Making people dependent.
Good at helping others help themselves = Setting people free.
What is self management? Some thoughts on this through the lens of ‘Emotional Intelligence’
Goleman model:
Self-awareness – the ability to know one's emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values and goals and recognize their impact on others while using gut feelings to guide decisions.
Self-regulation – involves controlling or redirecting one's disruptive emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.
Social skill – managing relationships to get along with others
Empathy – considering other people's feelings especially when making decisions
Motivation – being aware of what motivates them.
DA model munging
Comment:
I’m going to oversimplify here to say you want people to get to the point where they don’t need external support the vast majority of the time. AKA to the point of self sufficiency, AKA the transformation point.
I want to help, I don’t want to have to help...most of the time...
No human is an island… or at least done well (positive sum), we are stronger together.
Ok, so you want to get to be ‘self sufficient / not need external support’... but there likely will be times when you should ask for and / or happily receive support.
Asking for support all the time is IMO silly. Asking for support 0% of the time is IMO just as silly.
My rule of thumb is that someone should be self sufficient 80-90% of the time. When they need support there needs to be a good reason. IMO if someone is asking for support when they don’t need it, then it’s normally a bad (negative sum) idea to provide support.
There are a range of potential reasons that someone genuinely needs support. They can include:
Extenuating external circumstances
Stretched far beyond current capabilities with no prospect of being able to upgrade self before the piece of work needs to be done
Risk of deadlines being missed that cannot be renegotiated
If you’re finding you’re never needing to ask for help, you might be ‘playing it safe’. This means you might be missing out on potential growth.
Positive Sum Support Vs Negative Sum Support
Let’s say there are two types of time: Type 1: Normal and Type 2: Support Needed.
During normal times a unit of work costs one unit of energy.
Example 1: Extenuating circumstances requiring additional support
When support is needed, one unit of help is valued higher than the cost to provide it if the support provider is in ‘Normal time’. EG one unit of support might require two units of energy from the receiver of help, but only cost one unit of energy from the person providing help.
In other words the value of a unit of help is worth more to the person who needs support than the cost of the unit of support is to provide. IE this is positive sum.
Example 2: Stretched too far with a task with risk of bad downside occurring
When support isn’t needed, one unit of help is actually lowering someone’s self sufficiency and as such likely decreasing the overall amount a company can get done. IE this support is negative sum.
Overall goals:
Work on yourself to be self sufficient 80-90% of the time.
Help others to level up to the point of being self sufficient 80-90% of the time.
If you are properly in a time you need support, then ask for it = Positive Sum
If someone properly needs support, then provide it = Positive Sum
But if someone doesn’t need support then don’t provide it. Providing support here = Negative Sum
If you only take away one thing
With each person a company hires you want the output to increase. Hopefully in an exponential fashion.
One way this can be possible is if there is 1. A strong self sufficiency network + 2. A strong positive sum support network = You are part of a mutually positive sum ecosystem
Support = Helping people get to be self sufficient 80-90% of the time = Not making people dependent… but independent
Support = Helping people in a positive sum way when they need support 10-20% of the time = Stronger together
Yes this is a dichotomy, like many of the best things!