I contain multitudes: one should have multiple modes
/By Duncan Anderson. To see all blogs click here.
Reading time: 7 mins
One Sentence Summary: it’s not optimal to be one way all the time, try to figure out what mode best suits each set of circumstances!
“Make your interests gradually wider and more impersonal, until bit by bit the walls of the ego recede, and your life becomes increasingly merged in the universal life.” Bertrand Russell
I used to think I should figure out who I was.
Now I don’t want to be something, I want to be anything... and nothing.
I don’t want to be ‘one colour’. I want to try to be as many different colours and shades of colours as possible… but also sometimes to be no colour.
Rearticulated: I want to try and build many different modes and figure when I should be in which mode.
Jingle: A broken clock is right twice a day. If you have only one mode you’ll not be in the wrong mode all of the time… just most of the time ;).
“The art of life lies in a constant readjustment to our surroundings.” – Kakuzo Okakura
Many modes for being a marvelous mortal
Eg in work mode getting things done in a timely fashion and making high quality decisions matters.
Eg in relax mode you can do things but you don’t have to do things… and who really cares what movie you watch?
Internal work mode vs External work mode
What might be the optimal way to discuss a product internally might not be the optimal way to discuss it with a client.
The way you dress for a day at the office could be different to how you’d dress for client meetings.
Participant mode vs Observation mode
I used to only know about ‘Participant mode’ in conversations.
About 5 years ago I learned about ‘Observation mode’ where instead of spending your time thinking about what to say you spend your time thinking about what others are saying and why.
I’ve found this means I can almost never get bored. Observing others, why they are saying things and how the conversation is going is so much fun!
It’s much easier to take in what someone is saying when you’re not preoccupied with how you’re going to respond!
Responsibility mode Vs Play mode
I think one approach to a good life is taking on responsibility to make a difference somewhere.
But I don’t think you need to be taking on responsibility all day every day.
They say you are only old when you have forgotten what it’s like to be young. I think one element of being young is ‘no responsibility’ and as such epic ability to play.
Yes, maybe you need to be responsible Monday - Friday, but being able to be in no responsibility aka ‘Play mode’ is IMO one key to staying young at heart.
Planned mode Vs Unplanned mode
I think you should have times where there are plans.
But at times where ‘the plan’ is serendipity, aka planned unplannedness.
IMO planned unplannedness isn’t a oxymoron… rather it’s moronic not to have ‘Planned mode’ and ‘Unplanned mode’.
We all know the feeling of guilt that comes when procrastinating when we should be doing something important.
Planned unplanned time gives you the space and permission not to feel guilty for doing nothing, but rather lean into and enjoy it, leaving you properly refreshed and prepared to jump back into ‘planned mode’ later.
Serious mode vs Silly mode
Sometimes you love with ‘love’.
Other times you love by poking a bit of gentle fun at someone.
Also, at work you can be serious but with a smile.
Sales mode vs Partner mode
Or Partner mindset vs Sales mindset
Sales can feel like trying to get someone to do something.
But if you are in a partnership you are both working towards the same goal. So for instance if you are building a maths resource for schools, IMO you shouldn’t be selling it to the schools but explaining why you would like feedback from the schools so you might enter a partnership to together improve education.
Understand mode Vs Defend mode
Let's say you have View A and someone else has View B.
If someone has a different view to you it can be tempting to tell them why you have your point of view effectively going into ‘defend mode’.
Instead, I’d counsel it’s better to start with ‘Understand mode’. How Understand mode could go:
You: ‘just so I make sure I understand, are you saying you have View B because of Point A?’
Other: ‘correct’
You: ‘interesting, one thing I found important was Point B. What do you think of Point B?’
Other: ‘ah, I don’t think I really considered Point B, but I think it’s valid.’
You: ‘I think Point A makes sense, but I feel you should consider both Point A and Point B, not just Point A. When considering both Points I think the better balance is View A. Do you have thoughts about this?
Other: ‘interesting, I think now maybe View A is a better balance than View B’.
In short, I find starting with Defend mode often leads to combative negative sum discussions. Normally I start with Understand mode.
Listen mode Vs Help problem solve mode
Sometimes someone wants to talk things out, the best thing you can do is be a relatively passive listener. Trying to help them ‘problem solve’ can be putting the cart before the horse.
Other times problem solving mode is best.
Intervene mode ⇔ Leave alone mode ⇔ Support mode ⇔ Push mode
What is best to do for someone at work depends. Sometimes you support them, other times you push them saying ‘come on, lift’. Other times just leave them alone. Finally, sometimes you need to intervene and eg take something off someone's plate.
Helping mode Vs Growing mode
I used to think that good managers were the best at levelling up their direct reports.
Then I thought good managers were the best at supporting their direct reports to level themselves up.
Now I think good managers do both… but at the right time in the right way. It’s super easy ok ;).
Assumption mode Vs No assumption mode (Beginner's mind mode)
Assumption mode = see what you want to see
Beginner’s mind mode (no assumptions mode) = see what actually is happening (true focus) 🧘. This in some respects is countering for all the context you have. Being able to see the world as others see the world is one of the most important things to being able to help others.
Consciously leaning against biases to try be unbiased mode Vs Not consciously leaning against basies
People like Danny Kaheman have found all these cognitive biases wired into our biology (source code).
IMO you don’t get a choice whether you have these biases, you just get a choice for what you want to do with them.
Here is a list of 50 of them.
One of the most well known - Confirmation bias = the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms or supports one's prior beliefs or values.
Confirmation bias + Proactively lean against confirmation with ‘anti confirmation bias’ = Hopefully unbiased
Ok, so there are lots of modes we can shift between. How do you know what mode you should be in when?
Practice and reflection!
We can learn from our past experiences by reflecting on what went well/what didn’t – not just for ourselves, but for all parties involved.
If something didn’t go well, or one party was unhappy with the outcome, consider why?
Would another mode have been more effective at achieving a positive outcome for everyone? Maybe not, but maybe yes?
Play out in your head how the scenario might have gone if you’d used a different approach.
If you think it could’ve been better, try that next time and see what happens!
Good intention ≠ Good outcomes. Doing the wrong mode at the wrong time is often worse than doing nothing.
Mode modalities:
-L2: wrong mode at the wrong time
-L1: only have one mode and it’s not wrong but it’s not right
L0: don’t do anything
L1: right mode at the right time
As an example, at work I used to try really hard to help. This often translated into being in ‘problem solving mode all the time’. I don’t think I should be in ‘Problem solving mode’ all the time…
… in a funny way I’ve found a key approach to improving at work (aka problem solve improving) is to increase the number of modes I am aware of and able to do.
Outcome = 1. Stimulus * 2. Mode * 3. Quality of execution
10 years ago Duncan at work was in ‘problem solving mode’ all the time and focused on ‘trying to have quality execution’.
Today Duncan tries to think ‘what is optimal mode for this stimulus and then how do I execute this mode well’.
If you only take away one thing
To improve at work people often talk about improving productivity, improving your knowledge of the field, etc etc.
I think one key approach to improving at work and life is to build as many modes as possible and learn how and when to use them!
I don’t want a monochrome life, I want a marvellous life full of all the colours of the rainbow, a life of many modes. I hope to contain multitudes.